Night at the Oscars

Last night was the 89th Academy Awards.  I love watching the Oscars.   I use to have Oscar parties when I lived in Chicago.  I received calls from several friends during the day and got an email from a friend during the awards with pictures of my old group getting together.   She said it wasn't the same without me.  How sweet.  I am missed in Chicago.  I know that.  And I do miss Chicago, much more my friends than the city, but sometimes the city too.

So this year I attend another Oscar party hosted by my sister, Judy in Tulsa.  I helped with the preparations, making some of the cupcakes  (not decorating, that was Judy's job.  I don't have enough patience for it.  :-)).  And I made Chili Bianco from the Women of Great Taste cookbook which turned out delicious if I do say so myself.  Judy and and have a long history of cooking together probably starting around age 6 or so.

We also have a long history of well, just being together (since the womb) though we have spent many years apart.  And I would say there have been very many times when we have lost patience with each other as can be expected with family members.

In the kitchen, Judy is much more focused and patient than I am.  But she has specific ideas on how things should be.  Yesterday for instance, it was her friends that were coming to the party so she had more at stake than I did.  She wanted things to be perfect.  I practice good enough.  She had been obsessing about the cup cakes that had to match the themes of all nine nominated films.  They turned out great but I had to keep reassuring her they were fine.

And I discover that the more tired we get the less patience we have with each other.  But that is natural and normal well.   Rested parents have much more patience with their kids than ones that are dog tired from working, and cleaning etc. etc.  We got through it and had a great time.

I was also thinking about patience as it relates to the movies and the movie stars.  To be successful at anything requires perseverance which requires patience.  The willingness to wait for your efforts to pay off.  Something that I struggle with all the time.  But Judy says that perseverance isn't just about waiting.  Perseverance is an active verb.  Not passive.  You have to keep working.  It's not just about waiting.  I learn things from my sister all the time.

I took these photos quickly on my phone.  I have less artistic opportunities with that way of photographing.  But it does take great sharp pictures.

More Definitions

Reading yesterday's post, I realized the title was not very accurate.  Patience is not what happens to us.  Stuff happens to us all the time.  It is our reaction to that stuff that makes us patient or impatient.  I could have (and might have in the past) thrown all my beads into a bag and said "screw it".  This is too hard, I'm not doing it any more.  But I didn't.  I saved what I could and although I haven't gone back to work on the other strands, I will.  And instead of throwing the towel in with losing the changes to my blog post, I wrote another to express my frustration.  So I am practicing.  I am improving.  I am learning to deal with and tolerate delay, difficulties or annoyances.

But there is more to being patient than just that.  There are other definitions.  Two of my favorites:  "not hasty or impetuous:" and "steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity.

Not hasty or impetuous speaks to impulsivity.  I am an impulsive person.  Two of my especially problem areas are eating and spending money.  I've always prided myself for being able to make decisions easily and quickly.  Maybe that isn't such a good thing though.  In some cases, yes, quick decisions are necessary and good.  But not always.  I think I have never liked the state of indecision.  It feels uncomfortable.

Steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity is about staying a course without expecting immediate results.  Dieting and exercise come to mind here. Also writing and photography.  The process of learning and improving instead of expecting to be perfect right out of the gate.  This again reminds me of fixed mindset vs growth mindset.  All things to explore in upcoming posts.  Stay tuned.  

Losing my Patience

Today my patience is being put to the test.  Actually I'd say the last 24 hours has not been good.  Last night, I was beading and generally, other than the fact I keep disliking my designs, the beading (I am making necklaces) has been going well:  Not a lot of dropped beads;  I am remembering to tie temporary knots in the end of the string so I don't lose whole strands;  Best of all, my hands are not going numb, a problem I had a few years ago when I tried to make jewelry.

But last night, I was using very small glass seed beads, trying to make a multi strand necklace.  This project is taking a long time, much longer than with the larger beads.  But I was pretty proud of myself.  I had two strands done.  The problem came in when it was time to attach them to the clasp.  I had decided to use a magnet clasp.  I find them fun, and I thought 3 strands would fit well.  Unfortunately, I lost the second half of the magnet.  No problem I thought, I have more and I pulled one out of the bag separated the magnets and attached half of it to the other end of the necklace.  What I failed to remember was what I learned in some science class in high school.  Some magnets attract and some repel.   I had attached a repelling magnet instead of an attracting magnet.  And when I went to cut it off to try to reconnect a correct magnet, I dropped the necklace and beads went everywhere.  Not really, most landed in the tray in front of me, but none the less hours of beading were lost.  I was luckier with the second strand and only had to shorten it by an inch to make it work.  I suppose the good news is, I didn't really like the strand I lost.  And so now I can redesign it.  Still most frustrating.

This morning it was computer problems.  First thing was, I had plugged in my Apple over night so that I could take it to the coffee shop in the morning to work.  But when I went to retrieve it this morning for what ever reason the connection had come apart.  Easy fix, just take the cord with me and find a table next to a plug.  Problem fixed.  The more frustrating problem was that again for reasons I do not understand, my Safari was not connecting to the internet.  Unfortunately, again, I did not realize this until I had finished my blog entry about visiting Thailand and couldn't upload the photos I wanted to upload.  And I wasn't sure it was saving my changes.  It wasn't.  And so in trying to fix the problem, I lost all my changes.  Hence I am writing a new blog and I will redo the Thailand blog, later.  Hopefully making it better.

As I was eating my breakfast this morning, I Googled practicing patiences.  I had done this the other day to see if my blog would come up.  It doesn't.  But there was an excellent article in Psychology Today by Toni Bernhard.  Interestingly, Toni Bernhard is the author of the book "How to be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers."  This was a book a coworker use to give to some of our patients who were suffering from both physical and mental disorders.  I never read it but the patients that did found it very helpful.  In her article,  "Impatient? Why and How to Practice Patience, she begins with with the dictionary definition.  "Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, difficulty or annoyance without getting angry or upset."  That's pretty much patience in a nutshell.

Ms Bernhard goes on to explain that being impatient only hurts ourselves and stresses us out.  She then gives suggestions on how to practice patience.  Her first step is recognizing it.  I think losing my strand of bead and my blog post fits delay, difficulty and annoyance.  Excellent article to read.  I am including the link to the article.

.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201305/impatient-why-and-how-practice-patience

Cooking

I am not a great cook. My ex-roommate once said that I liked the idea of cooking more than cooking.  And she was probably right.  Great cooking requires patience.  It requires prepping and chopping and mixing.  Then baking or sautéing, or frying or stewing and waiting.  Waiting and watching.  And being patient.  Presently, I have an electric stove.  Not a good choice for me.  I hate waiting for the heat.  Gas is instantaneous.  My favorite word.  Electric stoves take more attention and patience. 

My sister and I were in the kitchen at a young age, making mostly cakes and puddings from boxes.  Cooked pudding, (I hate instant pudding), takes time and of course patience.  You have cook it slowly and stir frequently if not constantly to keep it from burning.  I was probably only successful half the time.  You get use the taste of burnt pudding when you are not patient.  And when you are baking cakes it is important if you are making a layer cake that you let it cool before frosting.  I always wondered why the top layer kept sliding off.  Oh wait you have to let it cool first.  Right.  I think that's why I like baking sheet cakes.

Then there is the idea of convenience food that have been produced over the years. And better yet fast food, or food already cooked from the grocery store.   Is it for our convenience or is it because as a nation we are too impatient to actually cook anymore?  We want everything fast.  I think even for those of you who aren't impatient by nature as I am, you are being groomed to be impatient.  How often do we get upset if the McDonald's line is too long?  And I am quite sure it has lead to the obesity in this country.  In his book "Food Rules," Michael Pollan says that you can eat what ever you want but you have to cook it.  In other words if I want fried chicken I have to make it myself.  My aunt Hellen fried chicken.  I think she was a patient woman.  I have never friend chicken in my life.  Why would I do that when I can have it instantaneously from KFC or better yet Popeyes's?  Not as good as Aunt Helen's but I think of her every time I eat it which is frequently.

A few years ago I was trying to become a better cook.  I was reading blogs and articles on the internet.  I learned about prepping.  Never before had the idea of having all your ingredients chopped and ready to go occurred to me.  I always wondered why some of my vegetables got over cooked while I was chopping as I went.  But prepping takes patience.  It makes sense and my recipes certainly come out better.  But it is still a difficult concept for me.  Preparations and impatience do not make a good match.

This morning I was frying bacon, focusing on being patient.  I love my bacon soft and chewy, not crispy.  To get bacon to come out that way you have to pay attention to it.  You have to cook it slowly.  You can't hurry it.  And this morning I had the perfect bacon.  So maybe there is hope for me yet.

Not my kitchen.