Still Practicing

My sister, Susan, tells me she is practicing patience waiting for my next post.  But I  have been busy, with the work that keeps food on the table and with the work that brings me joy, making jewelry and working with my photography.  My sister, Judy, wants me to be a vender at the annual meeting of Oklahoma's Episcopal Women.  She assures me it will be low key and probably not a lot of women in attendance.  So I have been busy making cards and earrings and necklaces and figuring out new ways to mount my photos without framing them.  Plus I started a crafting meetup group and had my first meeting.  I am also looking at doing a different kind of blog.  Just throwing a lot of stuff against the wall to see what sticks.

I am still needing to work on being patient with myself.  My "real" job has been stressful because we have been super busy and I have been filling in for sick coworkers and for people who have left.  It takes time to fill empty positions.  I have been struggling with why I felt so, so comfortable in my last job and I feel so, so less comfortable in this one.  I received my first evaluation the other day and my boss had nothing but great things to say about me.  I said to her then why did I feel so confident in my last job and not so much here?  She asked me "how long were you in your last job."  About 12 years.  "And how long have you been in this job?"  About 6 months.  Obvious right?  But I am an impatient person.  The feed back was very helpful to me though.  I am feeling more comfortable with the staff at my new job and I think they are becoming more comfortable with me.  It all just takes time.

When I started my first meetup group in Chicago "Chicago's Wine and Dine group for people over 50",  I had set the first attendance at 20, having no idea what kind of response I would get.  But a week before the first event, I had a waiting list of over 10.  I told all the waiting people to go ahead and come, because Kate had warned me I would have a lot of last minute cancelations and no shows. She was correct.  I think we ended up with about 18 people.  I met one of my best friends in Chicago that night and the group was responsible for countless of friendships over the 4 years it was active.

I set the attendance to my new Springfield crafter's group at 6 because that was the size of the room that the library gave me to use.  So far I think I have 13 people total in my group.  My Wine and Dine group in Chicago had over 400.  Springfield is a smaller town.  I realize that.  I had 6 people sign up including me and only two of us showed up that night.  I had a good conversation with a very nice woman and she fully supports my group.  But it is going to take some patience on my part to see this through.

There is patience with things: finding the right camera settings;  getting the beads threaded on a string;  improving my wire twisting techniques, processing my photos just how I want them, etc, etc.  And then there is patience with people.  I always thought I was better with the later until my recent trip to Florida with my sister, Judy, to see my daughter, Kate.  Living by myself, I don't have to wait for anyone.  I go where and when I want.  I can make excuses to myself if I don't want to do something.  But when you are with others, it becomes more complex.  Usually I am the first to be ready because I don't do much.  Wash my face, sponge off the rest of me quickly and brush my teeth.  I Shower if it happens to be shower day but my hair is short and I let it air dry.  Waiting has never been easy for me.  It gets even more difficult if I'm hungry.  What I learned though, is I can take the time I'm waiting for others to meditate.  Or I can go off to the complimentary hotel breakfast on my own.

But there was an even more important lesson I learned on this trip.  I have been accused by someone who will remain nameless that I sometimes say mean or unkind things.  Perhaps being critical is what she

meant.   I never really believed this.  I can't remember every intentionally being mean to anyone.  It's not who I am.  (Or so I think.)  But this indictment was collaborated by someone else who will also remain nameless.  Hum?  Two people saying the same thing the same time.  And I suppose if I am honest there are at least one or two others close to me who have mentioned this bad habit of mine.  My first reaction when being confronted by two people at the same time was to think, O.K. I just won't talk.  If people don't like what I say then I just won't say anything.  But this didn't seem like a plausible solution.  Instead, what I have been trying to do is be patient.  Instead of saying the first thing that comes into my head, I stop and think about what I am about to say.  Is it negative?  Could  it be construed as negative even if I don't mean it that way.  If the answer is yes, I don't say it.  I think of something else to say.  I need a lot more practice at this and I need to be patient with myself.  But I think I am on to something.  I hope so.  Happy Spring everyone.

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