The beginning of May. Four months of the new year done. One third. The only game that come readily to mind that has 3 periods is hockey. Oh and soccer. I'm not a fan of either so lets forget the metaphor. The question is what have I learned in these 4 months? Am I any better at dealing with my impatience than I was at the first of the year? Am I any more patient?
The number one thing is, I am more aware of my impatience. When I feel myself becoming impatient, I try to slow myself down, take some deep breaths and even sometimes count to 10. And then I feel my stress start to dissipate a bit. Being impatient drives up my stress level for sure. And honestly isn't that the main thing I am wanting from this year: becoming less stressed because of my impatience? To not let the little things (like waiting for my computer to boot up, or waiting for the light to change or waiting for my phone to do what I want it to do or waiting for my food to cook) stress me out? To chill? To wait? To focus on my breathing? To go into the Zen?
But I am also looking for other things: To be less impulsive which is a manifestation of my impatience. And how that impulsiveness effects my weight and my spending and almost every aspect of my life. I flunk the marshmallow test every time. The marshmallow test? It was a study done in the late 60's and early 70"s to test delayed gratification. Children were given a choice of one marshmallow now or two later. Following these children the researchers found that that the ones who could wait for the bigger reward had better life outcomes as measured by SAT scores, higher education, better BMI's (body mass index) and others.
But are those scores really an indicator of a better life Perhaps what I need to be doing is looking at impulsivity not as a deficit but how is it an asset? The above scores does not measure happiness. And I would contend that contentment if not happiness is the only score that counts. In fact I was just reading this morning in a blog by Tim Ferriss that indecision is a time waster. It is better to make small bad choices that waste time debating them. I have always been uncomfortable with the state of indecision.
And maybe the marshmallow test isn't testing delayed gratification but testing trust. Maybe trust is the issue here. Will the guy really come back with the two marshmallows or should I go for the sure thing. Maybe delayed gratification is about trust. Trust that if I put money in the bank it will be there when I need it. Or that my favorite food will always be available to me. Lots to think about as the year moves on.
These 4 months have also made me aware of when I am patient. I am generally a very patient listener. Through the years I've wondered why people like me. (This is especially true when I am feeling self critical or my self esteem is in the gutter.) But thinking about it now I would suspect that it is this one quality above all else that draw people to me. People like to talk. They like to be heard. I am also drawn to people who are good listeners and we are a fairly rare breed. Perhaps my skill is a direct result of my shyness. In my formative years it was easier to listen than to talk.
This listening skill has also been at the heart of my successful career as a psychiatric nurse. My patients like me. Is that a good thing or a bad thing. Many of my colleagues would say it is a bad thing. They don't have to like you they say and that is true. My colleagues probably, and I sometimes think my patients like me because I'm not confrontative. I don't tell it like it is. I'm too soft on the rules. But my feeling has always been this. That I am not going to change anyone in 3 to 5 days. They know what their problems are for the most part. The only thing that I can do for my patients is listen nonjudgmentally and treat them with dignity. And once I've listened I can offer them some coping skills or other skills to make their lives better.
This is progress.
